Since going through the first year of motherhood, to moving across the country for my husbands job, there has been a roller coaster of emotions. Excitement, nervousness, shock, even fear if I'm completely honest. In November we found out that God was moving us to St. Louis, Missouri. In 3 weeks we had accepted the position, packed our apartment up and we were in "The Lou". It was a whirlwind of craziness! But, through all of those emotions, I've always had a strong peace in knowing God sent us here.
Now that we're here, we've had second ride on that roller coaster. From "What the heck were we thinking?!" (only for 2 seconds) to "Why did we leave Florida again?! It's 1 degree outside!" The past few weeks have also been very tight financially for us. Certain things were out of our control that made our budget tighter than we'd like it to be. I got 2 jobs with wedding companies, but there's no weddings in the Midwest until April. So when things got really tight for us, we knew God would take care of us. We've been here before, where God miraculously pays bills, money shows up out of no where or $500 walks to your front door to pay your rent. (I'll never forget that one!) I was already on a fast but didn't feel peace to stop fasting. God has provided just enough for us. Although I'm so thankful for that, I know God is not a God of "enough" and knowing He's a God of "more than enough" I added two more weeks to my fast.
We were standing strong. Knowing that God sent us here, so He has to take care of us. I even had a quick conversation with someone about changing jobs and I told him "God knows every deadline you have coming up." Those words came back to bite me as my faith got a little weaker over the days. When things start piling up and you honestly get tired of working your faith. You get fatigued, just like when you're working out your physical body. Most of us have had that experience in working out, where you're pushed to your limit. You don't think you can go any further. Your body feels like it's going to give up on you and let's be real, if you're a girl, you just want to cry! Those bills are staring you in the face, and after a while you can't ignore them anymore. Your problems, your bills start talking louder to you and your faith is shriveled up in the corner crying, and silent.
My husband of course encouraged me and also knew it was just my emotions getting the best of me. Then today I read this in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9,16-18
"We have troubles all around us, but we are not defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living. We are persecuted, but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed.
"So we do not give up. Our physical body is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside us is made new every day. We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than the troubles. We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever."
These past two months have been so much of an adjustment. We know God has something amazing here for us! Something that we could've only learned or obtained in good ole St. Louis, Missouri! We know this is just the beginning of our story and testimony that God is writing. If you've never known God as your provider, how can you tell someone else He'll provide? If you've never known Him as your healer, how can you encourage someone else facing a disease that "by His stripes we are healed"?
At the end of the day, emotions change! From day to day, you feel differently about something or someone. That's why we can't rely on our emotions to make life-changing decisions. If we would've taken this job on emotions, we would've thought we made a huge mistake. Instead, we listen to what God has to say. We allow Him to speak to us through His Word to give us direction. So, we ride this test-imony out. As He provides for us every single day. He is "our daily bread". Through random checks in the mail, to the lady in the line at the grocery story buying our groceries. We watch for God to work it all out, so He gets all the glory!
"If your children ask for bread, which of you would give them a stone? Or if your children ask for a fish, would you give them a snake? Even though you are bad, you know how to give good gifts to your children. How much more your heavenly Father will give good things to those who ask Him!"